What you missed: this week in pop

As usual, the Kardashians took up a large percentage of celebrity gossip this week, and they’re not going away any time soon since they just signed a three-year contract worth $40 million with E! to continue their original reality show Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Kim also appeared on 30 Rock’s live episode and came face-to-face with jealous Jon Hamm backstage. Where’s your $40 million dollar contract, Hamm?

HOLD ON, I have the BEST idea ever! Let’s combine a controversial, violent, and frequently hated pop star, let’s say…Chris Brown, with a newly trendy, controversial, possibly violent, and frequently hated dog breed…let’s make it the pit bull, and combine them and make a business! GODDAMNIT!!!! CHRIS BROWN’S MOM BEAT ME TO IT! So if you’re looking for a wildly overpriced pit bull (they’re being hawked at $1,000) you can probably just DM Breezy on Twitter for the details.

Lindsay Lohan seriously can’t get her shit together. Now the entire cast of Glee hates her too.

In true bitchy fashion OUT “magazine” released its “Power” (bottom?) list of influential LGBT celebrities. But oops! Some of them haven’t even said they’re homos! Anderson Cooper, Matt Drudge, and FOX News host Shepard Smith are among those on the list who have yet to “come out.” I approve Anderson Cooper’s being on the list, because I’ve seen him with my own two eyes in the locker room at the David Barton Gym on 23rd Street, but why do we need to include Matt Drudge and Shepard Smith in there? Do we even want for these guys to be gay? Let’s at least throw in somebody fun—ZAYN MALIK!—if we’re going to throw in heteros.

Lady Gaga’s Born This Way Ball tour kicked off in Seoul, South Korea this week, and pictures, videos, and audio from the show have (obviously) leaked online. So in case you haven’t already forgotten that Gaga is still promoting her “new” album, and you haven’t heard “Born This Way” too many times, see all the goodies here.

Megan Fox is pregnant which is an odd career decision since her body was the only thing that got her a movie career….right?

If Emma Roberts learned anything before she left Sarah Lawrence, it’s that she learned how to dress like a ridiculous person in true Sarah Lawrence fashion! Mesh shirts, comically ugly but “trendy” sunglasses, shoes she found in a dumpster, and UNBUTTONED shorts create her Coachella outfit that is straight out of a Hill House party where girls are sitting in refrigerators and there’s a strong smell of ashtrays, snootiness, boob sweat, and Allure by Chanel. The bruise on her right arm also adds a little homey Blue Room mystery to mindblowingly absurd outfit.

Alex Hughes is a sophomore at Sarah Lawrence. He was born in the Bible Belt and works as an editorial assistant at The Faster Times. You can follow him on Twitter @TheAlexHughes.

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