Unpopular Opinion: Fashion Nonsense

As I was sitting in one of the SLC vans the other day, waiting to be driven to the Valhalla prison where I participate in the Right-to-Write program, a fellow, female colleague approached the vehicle to get in. Hanna (not her real name for obvious reasons), is tall, loud, and laughs after every sentence that comes out of her mouth. That day she was dressed in the most atrocious outfit that I have seen since participating in the Grad program here at SLC. Hanna was wearing a one-sie dress with fluorescent flower etched into the design. Her legs were partially covered by brown knee-high socks and her feet were snugly fit into bowling shoes. To add insult to injury, Hanna wore a leather jacket with frills and Native American designs sprinkled across it. She also thought it best to wear big, circular glasses that were not actually for her sight, just for show. SLC students have a knack for fashion, usually, but there is this fringe group that has taken the hipster fashion into self-parody territory. The brakes have stopped working for their “hey, look at me!” sense of style and they are spiraling out of control.

I sat and pondered this outfit as she climbed into the van because it put me in an aggravated state. As human beings, we adorn ourselves in fabrics, makeup, and scents to appear attractive to those around us. Even if we have a mate or a potential partner, we still like to feel beautiful in order to boost our self-esteem. I understand that not everyone has the ability to know what looks on them and therefore, end up dying alone. Listen, I don’t make rules, alright? But Hanna, and a solid portion of the demographic at SLC are going out of their way to appear horrendous. What is attractive about picking random articles of clothing from the thrift store, placing them on your body, and walking around as if you were like any other sane person? You can’t stare at any of these people and go, “Oh, man, they are so fucking hot right now. Look at those clogs; they really make her thighs pop.” Maybe I am being too surface level about all of this and maybe, in some sense, I am perpetuating the American attitude of beauty being what you appear as. As an educated person, I believe I have a solid understanding of what makes a person attractive. I am not asking for everyone to walk around like promiscuous sex dolls, but not having any sense of style is just as bad as dressing like, “Hey, fuck me.” Both are offensive. One panders to our primal habits and the other panders to a crowd of people who have no conception of reality.

As a member of the human race, I ask that all of you who are guilty of dressing like thrift store models to stop it. Have some common sense. You can still look attractive by color coordinating, wearing clothes that fit you and, you know, growing the fuck up. We all do dumb things. At one point in my life, I was shooting fireworks at friends, but I don’t do that anymore because I am an adult and use pragmatics. The same attitude should be applied to your closet, or dresser, or wherever else you keep your trove of ugly, pathetic clothing. One day you will see that I’m right, and one day you’ll be so ashamed of yourself, that you won’t even want to look in the mirror.

The views and opinions expressed here are the author’s alone and do not reflect the opinion of SLCSpeaks. If you don’t agree with them, consider submitting to the Unpopular Opinion contest ideas@slcspeaks.com.

Submitted by: Jesse Bartel