Newly inaugurated President of the United States of America Beyonce prepped for her concert on Sunday by singing the National Anthem LIVE. Suck it, haters. What can you do? Roll a joint with your eyes closed?? Good job, your mother would be so proud.
The only straight male porn star that most of us hipsters/homos known by name, Surreal Life star Ron Jeremy, has undergone 2 emergency surgeries an is in critical condition. Let’s please pray to the penis gods for Ron to make a quickie recovery.
Real life Catfish-er Ronaiah Tuiasosopo (it took me like 12 minutes to spell his name correctly) is gay! DUH! But he’s trying to “recover from homosexuality.” Boo! Why is it such a bad week for the gays? Even pissed off (but super hot) San Francisco 49ers football player Chris Culliver is so goddamn pissed that he’s going to be surrounded by homos at the Beyonce concert he’s playing football during Sunday that he had to sound off about not wanting gays in the locker room. Although, in his defense, I wouldn’t be able to do anything but stare at his abs and dick if he were naked anywhere near me.
Rihanna is currently busy filming the new MTV special True Life: I’m A Crazy Bitch and opens up about knowing exactly what she has with Chris Brown now. What is it exactly that she has now? A shit ton of weed?
Ex-stripper Diablo Cody called Lena Dunham (who sadly is not a Sarah Lawrence alum) “our new Woody Allen.” Thank God, we know that we’ll now have the opportunity to peer into the 2nd and Bowery Subway to see Lena whenever we want in 40 years!
Most perfect person on the entire planet Zayn Malik reportedly cheated on his girlfriend with a boygirl.
And finally, Justin Bieber inappropriately touched a fan and it wasn’t you! Happy Friday!
This post was originally published on The Homo Life