SLChatter: On Laundry

I hate doing laundry at college. I know how to do laundry – I’ve been doing it since I was fourteen. But I’ve never shared a laundry machine with a hundred people who leave their wet clothes in a machine over night and then throw a hissy fit and text their mommy because someone took their wet Juicy Couture sweater (which they swear they don’t own because they’re ‘hipper’ than that, out and laid it on top of a dryer).

Yesterday Karma visited me and turned me into the whiny girl/douchey boy from Long Island with the Juicy Couture sweater. (Sans the sweater, of course. I am hipper than that.)

Forty minutes after starting my laundry I returned to Andrews Court to put my clothes in the dryer. I swiped my ID card, but the light remained red. I borrowed my friend’s swipe card; the same thing happened. I called Westlands. They claimed security had a key, but then the security guard came and said I had to call facilities.

I screamed. Was this security guard an idiot? I wondered. Isn’t there a recession? Can’t they find a security guard with an IQ over fifty that doesn’t have a Napoleon complex? But then the security guard started to scream, too. “Don’t they know I don’t have that key?!?!” he shouted. “This is ridiculous. I’m so sorry.” He sighed. I sat down. He called facilities for me.

“Oh, yeah,” facilities told the security guard over his walkie talkie. “We can’t do that.” They had to call the outside contractor who managed the swipe system. The contractor couldn’t come till the next day. I understand outside contractors are cheap, but doesn’t anybody have a key? What if the new dorms’ swipe system broke?

The security guard stood next to me for a few minutes. He said nothing. We were both thinking the same thing – or at least I imagined we were. We were thinking that students always complain about security, but they’re just listening to higher-ups who don’t have enough common sense to buy enough laundry machines so students can all do their laundry, or have a key to buildings that rely on malfunctioning swipe machines. Instead of bitching about the machine, we should shout at the higher-ups.

 

Featured Image: Empty Kingdom

Originally from Hollywood, Not California--a city in South Florida better known as "that town where Anna Nicole Smith died"--Mitchell moved to New York to study writing and gender studies. He has written for Thought Catalog and worked as a writer's assistant to novelist Cara Hoffman. Next spring he will intern at the publicity department at Simon & Schuster. He blogs at mitchellsunderland.tumblr.com. Be like a stripper in Miami and follow him on Twitter (@mitchsunderland).

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