Bold and Brash: Weirdest Hookup Spots at SLC

Featured Image by Baphomet Nayer

To my fellow SLC folks,

I have to admit that I, Baphomet Nayer, am a comfort king. The weirdest place I have hooked up here at SLC was in the gender-inclusive MacCracken bathroom my freshman year—on top of my giant winter coat, no less, as I didn’t want the cold tile to touch my ass.

As a student of such an institution as SLC, which prides itself in having research-based academic work, I decided to conduct my own research project outside of the overload hell that is conference work. I wanted to see where my fellows have fucked and make sure that those hookup spots were as weird as possible. Through my three days of research I’m just gonna say I’m proud of you all for being so courageous.

Here’s the list of some of the strangest SLC hookup spots in no particular order:

  1. The North Lawn
  2. The ROCK on the North Lawn (BOLD.)
  3. The “secluded” area between Westlands and the PAC
  4. Library study rooms (I HOPE YOU ALL WERE QUIET)
  5. The closet thing outside the study room of the Taylor dorms
  6. Heimbold
  7. Heimbold Cafe
  8. Tennis Courts
  9. Stage of the PAC
  10. Grand Piano in Marshall Field
  11. Cannon part of the PAC (but on the piano, so it would be cooler than the rafters.)
  12. Parking Garage in Kober
  13. Slonim Rock
  14. Kober Rock
  15. Marshall Field, the actual FIELD
  16. The Cove
  17. Tweed Living room
  18. Costume Shop
  19. Adam Brown’s research lab in the Science Center
  20. Yoko
  21. Pub Space
  22. 45 Wrexham (lol you FOUND IT)
  23. Scary Library staircase (God speed)
  24. Black Squirrel, specifically on the pool table
  25. Office of Financial Aid
  26. Newsroom
  27. The pool
  28. Back of Hill to Go
  29. PAC lobby

I just wanna say that I am proud and in awe of how bold you are. My pillow prince ass applauds you. If anyone else is thinking of hooking up in any of these spots on campus, here’s my big tip: Make sure no one else is there, and stay safe, my friends.




Featured artwork by the author

SLC's gay uncle that you're only kinda worried about.

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