What You Missed: This Week in Pop

Conference work sucks. Forget about Russion political theorists for a few minutes and catch up on what Hollywood’s been up to this week. Hint: they’re not roasting alive in the library.

Did you have a fun Thanksgiving? Was Hilary Duff there? Oh, she wasn’t? Well, your Thanksgiving sucked compared to the Duff’s and here are the photos to prove it.

Horse groomer Miley Cyrus accidentally slipped up at her 19th birthday party and revealed that she’s a stoner! Oops! But not really! I mean, she did smoke that salvia that one time, had a Bob Marley birthday cake, and said that she smokes “way too much fucking weed,” but she’s not a stoner, okay! It was a joke! Forget about it. Hannah Montana doesn’t know what marijuana is.


In other things that you should just forget ever happened, the drama about people who serve us tiny drinks in the air, Pan Am, is cancelled. Oh wait! JK again! An eager actress on the show tweeted the news, later backtracked, and is now searching for work in Canada.

Comedian Patrice O’Neal is dead. I can’t make a joke about a dead man.

I know that most of you wish that you could forget about the Kardashians, but you’re not allowed to and I’ve been sent by them to make sure you’re kept abreast on every event in their lives. And something fairly important happened this week: Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant! Yay! Everyone should actually be happy because her first child with boyfriend Scott Disick may be one of the cutest celebrity children of all time, and this announcement makes it certain that the toddler and 9-week-old fetus will have an E! reality show titled ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians: The Next Generation’ in less than two decades in which Kourtney will have inherited her mother’s weak bladder and Kim will sit on their couch crying a lot.

Conrad Murray, the highly ethical doctor who is responsible for Michael Jackson’s death was sentenced to four years in jail, but he doesn’t feel guilty because he “did not do anything wrong.” Obviously not. A man/legend/superstar/icon isn’t dead or anything.

Adele continues on her campaign to make us all feel sorry for her (and defending Miley Cyrus!) by telling Cosmopolitan that “I’ve actually never told a guy that I loved him.” All Cosmo readers then shook their heads in agreement because that’s why they’re reading Cosmo.

Anne Hathaway is engaged and much luckier than Adele! I was told that her brother used to go to Sarah Lawrence, so that pretty much means that all of us students are old family friends of hers, so be on the lookout for your wedding invitation!

Grammy nominations were announced on Wednesday night and everybody’s least favorite artist, Bruno Mars, came away with 6 nominations somehow. None of this matters though because we all know that the lady who breaks our hearts daily with her music, Adele, will sweep the awards.

 

Britney Spears turned 30 on Friday and Entertainment Weekly has a list of everything she’s accomplished in only three decades, including two marriages, two kids, multiple hit records and songs, acting in film and television, and a fragrance line just to name a few.

And, in case you have 14 extra minutes to take a break from conference work, Lady Gaga released her new music video for “Marry The Night” wherein she douses herself in Cheerios.

Images from Google Images.

Alex Hughes is a sophomore at Sarah Lawrence. He was born in the Bible Belt and works as an editorial assistant at The Faster Times. You can follow him on Twitter @TheAlexHughes.

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