What You Missed: This Week in Pop

Chris Brown and Rihanna were reunited in song this week in two remixes—Chris’ ‘Turn Up The Music’ and Rihanna’s ‘Birthday Cake’ (the latter of which is actually kind of hot but obviously ethically questionable). Chris later went on to (allegedly) steal a fan’s phone, which would be simply run-of-the-mill eye-rolling disgusting celebrity behavior, but the funny thing is, Brown is still on probation for beating up ex Rihanna, which means he could potentially be in serious legal trouble. I guess creating sexually suggestive songs with your violent crime’s victim or destroying shit at Good Morning America isn’t enough to land him in jail, though.

And, to make everything much better and infect the rest of Hollywood with Team Breezy’s love, Rihanna wants to set newly-divorced pop queen Katy Perry up with a man, because, if anything, Rihanna knows how to choose ‘em!

Somebody very smart knew that two people were going to ruin this week as soon as it started, so Ms. Harry Potter herself, J.K. Rowling decided to save the world again. J.K. Rowling has signed on to publish her first adult (not erotic) novel with Little, Brown. I approximate her upfront for the book was around $400 million.

Old pictures of Lady Gaga (then Stefani Germanotta) were released and she looks just like any other Sarah Lawrence student who enjoys wearing cheap high heels, an unflattering outfit, hanging in trees, sitting on top of refrigerators, and hoping desperately that someone on Facebook will like every single picture in their “photo shoot” album.

Lindsay Lohan will be hosting Saturday Night Live on March 3rd, so I can only hope (SO MUCH HOPE) that she is finally getting her shit together. After looking like a complete Staten Island, Mob Wife mess two weeks ago, she looked absolutely gorgeous and full of life on the red carpet this week. I’m beginning to think that Emma Stone is going to go try to become an actress in Australia pretty soon.


 

Formerly famous mother of 18 triplets, Kate Gosselin, tearfully opened up to Dr. Drew about the love life that she doesn’t have. “I’m too busy [for a love life],” she explains. Busy from making cupcakes, crying, taking care of children, feeding raccoons, auditioning for The Voice, retweeting inspirational quotes, thinking about Al Roker, stanning for Breezy, riding on the tops of buses, and creating her own line of sleeping pills.

And finally, Tyra Banks graduated from Harvard. Try to think positively.

 

Image credits: Google Images

Alex Hughes is a sophomore at Sarah Lawrence. He was born in the Bible Belt and works as an editorial assistant at The Faster Times. You can follow him on Twitter @TheAlexHughes.

Be first to comment