1) Steal toilet paper from someone because the Purple Door is closed.
2) Use the bathroom in Westlands at an obscure hour.
3) Go to a 6th Floor Hill party (are they still a thing?).
4) Have a meal at Bates with Sam Seigle.
5) Drink Blue&Yellow (Yellow&Blue? Eh) tea from the TeaHaus and enjoy the best nap of your life.
6) Take the Trader Joe’s van.
7) Go to the Comedy Cellar (and miss the last train to Bronxville).
8) Use the word “postmodern” in a sentence unironically.
9) Respect yourself and DON’T consume a smoothie from the library cafe. It’s syrup, not real fruit.
10) Quote Foucault and mean it.
11) Host a party.
12) Sit on top of Yoko with a friend or two and talk shit at some obscure hour.
13) Go to Lampoon.
14) Thank your pub chef.
15) Thank your shuttle driver.
16) Question your sexuality.
17) Own your sexuality.
18) Go to a secret party in the PAC.
19) Submit to SLCspeaks 😉
20) Befriend an MTA conductor (What’s up Dave and Rob? ily<3)
If we missed anything, pray tell. The stronger the false sense of accomplishment, the better.
Featured image by Jill Turner