This Week In Pop: Queen B, Jesus Christ/Kim Kardashian, Lady Gaga’s Requested Pubic Hair, and Hannah Montana’s Bitch Slap

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Perfect person and President of the United States of America Beyoncé caused a gay ruckus by reuniting with her less gifted sisters Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams at the Super Bowl halftime show with a performance by Destiny’s Child. Also causing a gay panic, Queen B announced the dates for her upcoming worldwide tour “Mrs. Carter” and her new Vogue cover leaked.

 

In less perfect person news, JCPenny’s fitting room attendant Amanda Bynes called Queen B’s husband, better known as Jay-Z, “ugly face” because she doesn’t look like a goddamn mess or anything herself. And also Barbadian crazy bitch Rihanna showed up in court to support her homophobic boyfriend who beat the shit out of her face.

 

 

Holy virgin vessel Kim Kardashian was vacationing in Brazil this week and she was easily mistaken for Jesus Christ. Who is who in the picture above? Can you tell? Let me know in the comment section below because I can’t figure it out!!

 

Lil Kim debuted a new face and it’s astounding since she now looks about 35 times worse than she used to!

 

Lady Gaga’s Monster Ball Tour rider leaked and it includes the normal things like lavender flowers and of course the usual pink public hair.

 

Remember Kate Gosselin with her hair helmet and 12,000 children? Remember how horrible she was? Remember when she wouldn’t let her daughter drink water? Remember when Vanity Fair wrote a profile on her and then shit on her face? Well, she’s “been bullied. A lot.” It’s called “adult bullying” and it definitely does not apply to you if you’re an overgrown hairpiece.

 

Hannah Montana bitch slapped scum of the earth Perez Hilton on Twitter recent fellow Perez attacker Azealia Banks chimed in and I’m going to star the rumor that they’re doing a collab!

 

Adele’s hubby-to-be hasn’t been there for her and their new son and she’s starting to feel like a “single mum.” At least we know that she’ll have depressing writing material.

 

And finally, Nelson Mandela loves “Toddlers and Tiaras.”

 

This article was originally published on The Homo Life.

Alex Hughes is a sophomore at Sarah Lawrence. He was born in the Bible Belt and works as an editorial assistant at The Faster Times. You can follow him on Twitter @TheAlexHughes.

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